It’s a Thursday night as a 28 year old in London and a mixture of feelings are running through my mind.
Shouldn’t I be doing more with my life? Shouldn’t I have a house by now? Shouldn’t I have some high flying career? Shouldn’t I have taken the rubbish out by now? (Okay, definitely yes to the last one..)
But that’s just it. London was promised to me as a place opportunity, diversity and freedom but all I feel at the moment is entrapment and negativity. Who made this type of working life okay and acceptable? Working all hours of the day, being connected to emails at any given time to make sure work continues has just become the norm. Who allowed us to forget that we’re here to live our lives, (not be tied to a computer 24/7)? Who made me feel that what I have isn’t enough? So many questions, right? No wonder I’m exhausted. On a Thursday night, when I feel that I should be doing something with my life, I am instead slathering on coconut oil onto my face, sat in my dressing gown with wet hair (hair turban and all) and I’ve realised. It’s me. I’ve made myself feel like this.
I’ve allowed myself to absorb the negativity that London so seemingly gives out daily. From those rather cosy morning tube rides at 8am (*not recommended) to demanding businesses that expect the world from you on an everyday basis. London is competitive, there are so many successful people living and working here, you hear about their achievements everyday.And that’s just it, I’ve allowed other peoples goals (and business goals) to interfere with my own. That’s why I feel this way. My goals aren’t your goals. My goals are for me to be happy and I don’t need a house, I don’t need a high flying career to be happy (I do however need to take the bins out…). And I need to remind myself that it’s okay if I don’t have the same as everyone else, as long as I’m happy with what I’ve got. Did you know that I started this blog a year ago? A YEAR AGO TODAY (weird) I honestly don’t know where the time has gone. But it hit me, one year has passed since I made the promise to myself to spend more time on me. Believe me, I’ve improved (see coconut oil comment above) I take care of me in this big city but it goes to show, I still don’t put myself first enough. I allow day-to-day activities get in the way of my happiness and I need to put a stop to that.
I allowed London to suck me back into its busy and exhausting schedule and now I’m feeling it. Don’t get me wrong, I do love London. I honestly don’t even know where I’d get my coconut oil, almond milk and kale from. You have beautiful parks, beautiful buildings and wonderful people that I really do enjoy, but this whole balance of working life? London you have it so wrong.
I just need to remember that putting myself first and focusing on my goals will ultimately make me happy. Ignore the ego telling you that you should have more than you do, whatever you have, in what ever form is enough. You are enough.
So London, I look forward to waving goodbye to my ego and instead floating around in my own achievements with my wonderfully moisturised coconutty face and kale salads.
Make sure you’re putting yourself first 🙂 oh and just to finish, here is one of my favourite songs at the moment, enjoy.